New Year’s Eve 2020 – Looking forward to what is before, letting go of what is behind
It’s another New Year’s Eve, the end of another rough year, looking forward to a new and promising year, again. Yesterday, a series of mishaps and wrong turns resulted in me ending up where I started the day, despite my intentions when I left. As I reflected upon those events, my own indecision, stubbornness, and resilience, I decided there were some things I needed to do, differently.
Woman on a Mission
As a woman who is all about context, let me give you some. In 2015, almost five years ago, I took a step outside of the big comfort box I had built for myself and left my house that I had owned and lived in for 15 years, packed up what belongings I hadn’t sold or given away, and moved my last child (#7) to Tampa, FL where I planned to complete my undergrad degree in psychology.
The Plan
I had a plan, and with the funds from my severance after a company merger, I would have enough money with what I had saved to be a full-time student for one year. I had hoped to complete my degree during that year, but if not, I would only need one or two classes, which I could handle while working. So, plan B was to get a job and continue taking classes if needed. The best laid plans.
Though the plan came together, it was not in a linear way (it wouldn’t be my story if it did), there were some hiccups along the way. Three days after moving to Tampa, while shopping for a bookshelf to hold my textbooks, a box weighing 55 pounds fell on my head as I was being assisted with purchasing that new bookshelf. That led to some health issues with far-reaching repercussions, but that wasn’t the only challenge. Nine months later, I was sitting at a red light and an SUV slammed into the back of my car – the second time that has happened to me in this lifetime – what are the odds? My already tenuous health issues were further amplified and led to new challenges.
Resistance Keeps Showing Up
Challenges notwithstanding, I was determined to complete my degree. With the guidance of an experienced academic advisor, I was able to complete my degree in the one-year timeline and even study abroad in Costa Rica.
Though that was a great feat, there was more to come. A month after graduation my dad passed away unexpectedly, for me anyway; he was 89 and many people thought that meant it should have been OK, it wasn’t.
Between the pain both physical and mental, add emotional now too; life took another turn that was unexpected. Good friends rallied around and helped me in small and large ways as my mobility challenges grew, and it became more difficult to cope.
Still, I searched for jobs and even worked as a substitute teacher for a month, not something I was cut out for – hats off to the good teachers out there. All the preparation and planning for a new career, as a practitioner rather than in a support role, were looking less likely. Travel now required a wheelchair to negotiate airports, I couldn’t stand or sit for long periods without a lot of pain and discomfort, things looked very bleak for someone who was looking to build a career in management consulting. Every day seemed like it should herald a new dawn of possibilities and things should get better, even when it didn’t. But RESILIENCE lived and still lives…
Resilience Shows Up
That resilience factor kicked in and I decided to get into the entrepreneurial mindset again and explore how that could be my “way out”. Someone posing as a professional swindled me out of $1500 for a marketing video, another person offered me a “partnership” that ended up costing me more than I got from it; there just didn’t seem to be a way to catch a break.
Then my mom’s husband of almost 40 years died suddenly, while she was being treated for cancer. It had been a difficult three years which culminated in my moving to New York to live with my mother with whom I had a sometimes difficult relationship, (and my cousin in New Jersey part-time); not exactly the ending I envisioned to my big ambitious hope-filled move in 2015.
Going Back, to Move Forward
So, there I am October 2018, moving to New York (where I said I would never want to live again) and experiencing all the emotions and strain of the disappointment of the life I envisioned seeming to disappear into dust. There was not much that appeared to be going my way. In my mind I was homeless, because I had nowhere to call my own; but even in the midst of that, I made some life decisions. One was to continue, and focus on completing the master’s degree program I had started while still in Tampa.
That decision came from conversations with a career coach with whom I bartered services, since money was an object. I did some research work, provided perspective, and generally shared my acquired knowledge. This led to a part-time gig as a talent management associate and even an internship toward my degree.
Making the Best…
Some valuable insights were gleaned from both the work experience and the coaching. I had to learn to work with a new set of capabilities – modified for my injuries – that was particularly difficult.
Accepting my limitations, working with and through new challenges using new skills, became priorities. My boss knew my limitations and inasmuch as she could, made accommodations, but there were times when I had to step away. All this was a part of the learning – and adjusting to my new normal. That new normal has taken time to get used to, and accept. It is a journey within itself. However, acceptance is just one step in the process of coming to terms, and finding ways to deal with, and overcome them.
Making a Comeback, Kinda
In that spirit, this month I completed my master’s degree in organizational leadership and learning at The George Washington University graduate school of education and human development.
I managed to take and do OK on the New York State Civil Service exam, hopeful to acquire a role that will work with my limitations but allow me to contribute, and knock down some student loan debt. Once I am done writing this article, something I have committed to do before the end of the year, since I never wrote my book; I will write my goals for the new year down on paper.
Hopeful for the New Year
My niece Njeri told me I needed to make sure my intentions were set for this 1 numerological year and I am doing that now. I am verbalizing my intentions for the next decade: my book, my speaking tour, my podcast – all tools for bringing my story to those who need to hear it; to be encouraged, to hold on, and keep moving.
While I have no nice pretty bow on it ending; rather, I have a journey that continues, that includes challenges and victories. At the end of the day, these are “Pearls on the Journey” that I will continue to share with you.
Learnings:
- The journey is just that, a journey with stops, twists, and turns along the way. Get on board and enjoy the ride, or at least learn from the experiences
- There are challenges, and though they may endure for extended periods, and seem to sometimes multiply, there are really good things happening too
- Surround yourself with people who encourage and uplift you, you are your own worst critic, no need to encourage those who validate your negative views
- Honest friends who communicate in love are better than money, they tell the truth but not in a way that cripples you
- Love you first! Forgive you first!