According to Match.com‘s annual “Singles in America” survey, “the best age for sex for single women is 66. For men, it’s 64.” The podcast series this month, themed for Valentine’s Day, is Finding Love After 50.
One of the featured guests, Andie Snyder, LCSW and dating coach says, “Love is a vibration, not a destination, you need to be tuned in.”
Are you tuned in to your needs so you can take the right actions? Andie will share how to put the fun in Dating After 50.
But we recognize that every person’s experience with Finding Love After 50 is not great. You may have become discouraged with online dating. It could have proven to be a bigger task than you first imagined. Maybe your friends don’t know enough eligible men/women to assist in your search; or just maybe, you don’t know or are unsure of what you really want, or need?
Take A Look Back, To Move Forward
· The first step is to take a long look at your past relationships, good and bad. What were your hopes in those relationships in the heady first days/weeks/months? Were those hopes and dreams met? What in those relationships proved to be a disappointment? What surprised you, that you loved – maybe something you didn’t
even know you wanted or needed?
· Look at where you are now, honestly. Do you even want and need the same things anymore? If not, what will satisfy your soul? If you don’t know, take the first step to get help by gaining clarity around these questions.
· There are few things worse than finding someone you think is perfect, only to realize you are not fulfilled. That can lead to blame, disappointment, anger, and a host of negative feelings and actions that do nothing to further your search. So, how do you overcome the obstacles that may exist internally and externally?
Self-Forgiveness on the Journey to Love
The answers begin within. To Find Love After 50, you must first learn self-love, self-acceptance, and practice self-forgiveness. 7 Affirmations for Self-Forgiveness.
Whatever the deep-seated, long-buried fears and pain you may think were resolved long ago, they can impact your relationships today, unless they are dealt with honestly.
It can mean facing things you would rather not, but it’s a decision you have the power to make; how deep and sincere a love relationship do you want to have? Not only with others but ultimately, with yourself.
Learning the Lessons on the Journey
One of the podcast episodes this month features guest Lisa Botwinick, a dating coach. She talks about dating during the pandemic. Lisa shares her story of a long-term, long-distance relationship that ended because of communication issues. But, with her partner’s encouragement, she re-discovered her creative side to begin making jewelry.
The lesson here is that even the relationships that don’t work out have the potential to have positive impact. You may be inspired to explore, use, or discover new talents. So, its not just about finding love, the process can have advantages when we see dating not just as a means to an end, but a journey.
Finding Joy in the Journey
By keeping your expectations in line with reality, you can enjoy pleasant connections which may (or not) lead to a long-term relationship. Not every person has to be “THE ONE!” If that’s what you want.
Because every person in their 50’s and beyond is not looking to find or recreate their one-true-love. Some of us want good sex, companionship, a travel companion, intellectual stimulation, but don’t want marriage.
The research shows that as women age, some of us are more interested in the other benefits of dating. The traditional relationship goal of marriage is not a priority. A comfortable companion, an interesting partner – maybe sexual, maybe not – are our relationship goals as secure, mature women.
Know What You Want! Ask for It!
It is critically important to clearly articulate your wants and needs in a relationship. When you were younger, you may have held beliefs that were different. A potential mate may have had to have the resources to maintain a family.
Now, you may own your own home, or have no interest in the responsibility of owning a house. You may prefer a condo or townhouse, or renting may be your ideal situation. Whatever the choice that supports your lifestyle, adding a companion should not upend your life, rather it should enhance it.
So, celebrate your achievements and make it clear you are ready to share your life, on your terms. The right person will acknowledge your journey and revel with you.
How We Can Help You
When you know yourself and your needs, the ability to express them clearly is a good starting place for Finding Love After 50. Are you really ready? Follow the podcast www.after50shadesofgraypodcast.com to hear our guests talking Finding Love After 50, even during a pandemic.
Coaching with Petalgay offers healing arms of support to women seeking to navigate change in their second and third act of life. Finding Love After 50 is a big change and you want to be adequately prepared. To find out how to work with me, visit www.petalspeaks.com/coaching and book a FREE 30 minute Intro Call.
Useful Information
Check out this article on pandemic dating ideas https://www.aarp.org/home-family/friends-family/info-2021/pandemic-date-night-ideas.html outside of Zoom.
Join our Virtual Valentine’s Group on Zoom: Finding Love After 50 as we sip wine (or other beverage) eat chocolate (or cheese) and discuss “Making Dating Fun, Not a Chore!” Details… Register and Download when it is available this week. “7 Tips for Dating After 50”